Walking Out of the Dojo….naughty naughty

I once saw a karate student walk out of the dojo mid-session. This person was clearly unhappy that the sensei hadn’t been spending enough time with them. “Jesus farkin christ” would be your reaction right? Yeah, mine too. A little petty or immature, especially in a group environment where time and attention have to be shared. But the look on their face told a deeper story. Non-stop headshaking, muttering, the kind of energy you see in a toddler who’s just been told they can't have ice cream before dinner. To be that reactive and sensitive to training, you have to wonder if something more was already brewing under the surface.

Not everyone walks into a dojo with the same emotional gear strapped to their back. Some folks are dragging a full psychological backpack: anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, dyspraxia, imposter syndrome, and probably a half-eaten rice ball from 2005. We like to think we’re all showing up on equal footing, but we’re not. Some people are fighting wars inside their own heads before they’ve even bowed in.

So yeah, for someone like that, being overlooked even for just five minutes can feel like the end of the world. Not in a melodramatic way (for them), but in the very real “my brain is wired to interpret this as existential doom” kind of way. Maybe they were just overwhelmed. Maybe it was Tuesday and life had already handed them a week's worth of shitty shitness. Maybe maybe maybe….. But that’s also what the dojo is for! As my sleepy brother, Aran-san, recently said to me while typing away on the throne at his workplace:

"In a lot of ways, the dojo is more than a happy place, it's a learning place, where we have to face some uncomfortable truths and realities. And part of that is learning about ourselves - how we deal with events that occur in the dojo, etc. So learning patience n’ shit is all part of it."

Absolutely love his thoughts and couldn’t agree more. Oh, and “Learn patience n’ shit”….may have to include that in my dojo kun. But that may hit differently when you think about it in the context of someone with border line mental health issues. Because learning patience isn’t just about waiting quietly. It’s about learning to sit with discomfort. Learning to recognise when your mind is spiralling and choosing not to let that dictate your actions. And yeah, sometimes it means staying put when your whole body wants to do a runner. That kind of mental discipline and growth may take time. A lotttttttt of it. Years, in some cases. And let’s be brutally honest here, not everyone’s going to get there. Some people will keep walking out. Others will stay but simmer internally. Neither makes you a bad person, just a person with a lot of shit to work through.

So, was walking out the wrong thing to do? Maybe for this person, in that moment, it was the best choice that they could make. Maybe it was an act of self-preservation, however, equally important was also a missed opportunity to build resilience, to ask for what they needed, or to learn that sometimes, waiting your turn is the lesson…or to learn the very basic lesson that you won’t always be the centre of attention.

The dojo isn’t just a training place for the body, it’s one for the mind and spirit too. And sometimes the hardest battles we fight aren’t with an opponent, but with ourselves.

Calm down bro - It's just training!